Twenty-five, still alive...
It's been one amazingly eventful year, in terms of both ups and downs, milestones and setbacks, but I think the defining moment of the last year of my life had to have been turning 25 a couple of weeks ago. My "I'm turning 25" psychological crisis began about three weeks prior to my birthday, and included a couple (yes, only a couple, truly) of hangovers of the type and severity I hadn't been witness (let alone participant) to since the month following my 21st birthday. For me, 25 has always been my "scary age" - the age where you have to have done something or at least BE actively in the process of doing something - and while I've been an adult for far more years than I'd like to admit, I was stilling feeling like, well, an unaccomplished, wet behind the ears, tiny little kid. But, now that the dreaded birthday has come and gone, I am able to clearly see that although I am not anywhere near where I hoped to be at 25, my adulthood hasnot been entirely wasted, because I have learned so much about myself and ablout the world. I've served in the military, and been jailed for being AWOL; I've been married and divorced; I've given birth to three beautiful children, been a mother, and have given them up to parents who can truly provide for them the way that they deserve. I've had a cuple of truly great loves; one unrequited which ended in heartbreak and abortion, and another love that is mutual, comfortable, healthy, and still very much alive and full of possibilities after 16 of the greatest months of my life. I've been published, and although it's only a book review, it's still a big step in my journey to becoming a writer, and will soon be reviewing a documentary. I've made friends of the type I never knew existed - unconditionally devoted and supportive. So my 25 years has not been all bad - in fact, all of it has been amazing in one way or another, I've felt every emotion in the spectrum, and I've learned more from my own mistakes than I could have learned in a lifetime of schooling. All in all, I've LIVED my 25 years, honestly lived them with al of the passion I could possibly draw from within. There are a few decisions I definitely regret, but not many, and nothing that can't eventually be made right. And more than ever before, I look forward to seeing what the next 25, 50, 70 years has to offer me, and what I have to offer others in that time. It's been a quarter of a century of self-destruction and escapism, of lookng fr a way out from everything, most of all breathing, but no more - I'm at peace with myself now and just want to wake up everyday and live, for as many days as the world will have me.
posted by Layla/Jane (whichever you prefer) @ 2/09/2007 08:10:00 PM
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